10p for a pimple

Time to refill the supplies. I was shopping in Sainsbury’s (big UK grocery chain for those that don’t know) the other day, replenishing my stock of nourishing goods when I remembered that I was out of shower gel. Off to the toiletries aisle to find some glossy sheen. Broken down into sections I found the “Men’s” section. Simple shower gel is all I wanted, but the sheer choice is daunting, every configuration, scent, and colour on display in a wide range of prices. The demographics of placement of goods on shelves are simple, the lower you go the cheaper you get. The poor, stooped in our posture as it is, always look down, could be a dollar down there. You can tell the class of the shopper simply by head posture, posh looks up, down-trodden looks down.

I scoured the shelves in search of some glittery gel to polish myself up with. I had settled on a manly looking bottle of “faux Caribbean splendour” when my eyes discovered the jackpot. At the very bottom of the shelves, mere millimetres above the dingy floor, was an entire section of 10pence shower gels, Sainsbury’s own! 10p for shower gel, how is it possible that the gel can be made, put in a container, and sold for only 10p? I was sceptical, not to mention somewhat leery of the institutional-green color of the stuff, so I turned it around the read the ingredients. Now I am not a scientist but 95% of the ingredients do not register in my head as being pronounceable words. But nonetheless a deal is a deal, it’s fun to be a guinea pig sometimes anyways, and if it was no good I could always throw it away right?

Heading home, I hopped into the shower to try out my new SUPER stuff. Container flipped over, lid open I squeezed out some slime, only for it to squeeze right back in again, a little shy are we? This was some strong, thick stuff, fix a ceiling leak perhaps? Overcoming the nuances of use (how does something so cheap afford nuance?) I eventually figured out how to get it out and lather with it. It was pretty goby all-right, but hey, 10p remember?

End of shower I was satisfied enough with it that I decided to spread the gospel of the 10p shower gel. We’re in a credit crunch, time to save our pennies and cut back, I’m just being a savvy frugal-ist. So impressed at what I was getting for 10p that anyone coming into my path was up for a green stuff sales pitch. Sceptical eyes abounded, but hey it works, look how shiny I am, here, smell me, no really, don’t be shy. And so it was that I went on using the gel for a few weeks. Then came the punch line, me!

 At the gym doing some standing squats, I looked at my femur (lower leg, come-on now people!) and there was this strange red mark. I must have cut myself I concluded, an itchy cut mind you. Workout done it was time to examine my blemish. A cut you say? T’was not a cut at all, it was a pimple! A bright glowing pimple, on my leg! Who gets pimples on their legs? Contagious for sure for over the next few days, the pimple brigade began to spread, but only to curious places. My bicep, my chest, my forearms and my inner ear! Yes, inside my right ear was a bright red pimple.

Woe is me, after careful self deliberation I came to the only logical conclusion, I had paid 10p for a pimple growing serum. With none of the benefits but all the side effects of a cycle of Steroids, I abandoned my miracle 10p “stuff”. I now stand pimpled declaring, 10p shower gel, sure it exists, but do not under ANY circumstance go near it. Defy the experts, pay through the nose and get some REAL shower gel, your pimple free leg will thanks you greatly. You’ll have to excuse me now; it’s time to drain my ear!